Writing you own vows can be a huge challenge. Just like in Married At First Sight, it's the moment you can make that great impression, give a well summed up elevator pitch on your life together. Your time to shine, and declare your love! So no pressure ;)
You're not the only one!
To start with, hours of googling aint going to work, it might give you ideas but nobody knows your relationship like you do! Make sure you talk to your partner about what kind of tone you are going for. Will it be super romantic, are you going in lighthearted and adding some humor? Will your vows be a surprise? If so, you will need to let your Celebrant know so they can ensure they don't ruin it for you. They are also your greatest tool. Make sure you quietly tell them you are struggling and if they are a good Celebrant, they will be able to give you pointers. Often I give the other partner some hints if there vows don't quite match up!
Keeping these 3 points in mind should help you get started.
1) Reflect on the past
2) What do you love about the present
3) What are you hope for the future.
However if you are still struggling to find the right words here's a little exercise for you. Go grab so post it notes!!!!
On each post it note write something about your partner, this could be;
1) What was it about your partner that you noticed first, what made you fall in love with them. Look for one key point. Example might be; "She had the most beautiful smile which I just wanted to see again and again.
2) Was there anything funny or unique about your meeting or the relationship. Could be that you missed a flight and ended up sitting next to each other in the departure lounge.
3) What drives you crazy about you partner? In a good and bad way? If bad, be careful, its a fine line between funny and death by vows!
4) How did you know they were the one for you?
5) Remember what your agreed tone is here; are you keeping this super romantic, is your partner wanting a heartfelt ceremony or are you both laid back and looking for a fun wedding? If your going with fun, thinks of a crazy thing you did or do together, something that makes you smile. If your aim is to be super romantic, then look for special moments in your relationship that helped build the foundations of your relationship.
6) What are you plans for the future and what are your hopes and dreams for your life together. What are you excited about as a couple. Would you like to travel with your partner or perhaps you are planning a family? This is a lovely moment to be able to recap on your plans together as a couple.
So by now you should have a few post it notes written out for the above points, right?
Now Stick em' up!! in columns 1-6, more if you like. Look through the list you have created, are there any which double up? If so stick one on top of the other. Now, have another look, in order of most important at the top, and least important, place down the bottom.
Some points to avoid;
- Use cliches, you don't want any rolling eyes!
- Reveal anything to personal, ERR Taxi!
- Skim over feelings, no no no!!
- Avoid jokes, its not the time.
- Write 3 words, less aint more when your partner is pouring their heart out to you, you will seem heartless (check with your celebrant and get the length to match you partners)
- Write more than 300 words, yawning and snoring aint good at weddings, we just want to get to the party!
OK? so I'm going to use the above points to build an example;
On this day that I promise to travel in life with you, to love all that is you (including your crazy shoe addiction).
Toni I promised to be as strong for you as our love is, I promise to be by your side and support you in your dreams.
I thank you for all the foot rubs, hair cuts and dinners you provide me with and I look forward to many more.
On this day ask you to walk this life with me as a married couple"
Don't forget that sometimes shorter can also be sweeter so really be bruttal in your post it note eliminations.
"Toni, today I promise to love you more and more each day,
You light up a room wherever you go,
So with on this day I want to promise,
that I will be one with you,
I will cuddle you when you need it
Love you unconditionally, even when you buy more shoes.
Get writing and good luck. :)
More examples if required....
1)Michael, I feel so happy to be standing beside you today…
Since we met, you have made my days so much happier.
When I was trying to make peace with the fact that I was going to be single forever, you came into my life and changed everything with your lovely gestures.
Thank you for not giving up on me, thank you for accepting me for all that I am and thank you for being this amazing person.
I cannot imagine my life without you. You are my weirdo, my best friend and my precious thing.
I love you, I love our life together and I already love the wonderful dad that you are going to be. I promise always to do my best for you and be by your side in all good and bad moments.
2) Lucia , since the day we met you brought a new warmth into my life. Before I met you I never really understood what it was like to love one person like I loved you.
Today I am excited to make you my Wife,
to be my faithful partner, and to share my love from this day forward.
I will always love you without reservation, give you comfort and support you in all that you do
I promise to be the reason you laugh and smile everyday.
I look forward to growing old with you
There will never be a dull moment
I will continue to bring you a towel to the shower when you forget,
I will be your hero of all things technology.
I promise to always be open, honest and forgiving,
As parents and as partners for the rest of our days together.